The past few days have really been crazy! After coming back to Cebu from Manila, everything has been heavy. The fact that my colleague said that I look like taking drugs or I look tired means I don’t get a restful sleep anymore. The only time I know that I was able to sleep well was last Saturday and that’s it. When I say sleeping well, it’s not about the length of sleeping hours spent but how restful it was.
Just the other day I suddenly had a bad headache after taking lunch and persisted even after I took pain relievers. Fell asleep too at the office (oops!) when I really couldn’t bare the pain. You can even feel the vein on my temples beating.
Another bad thing is that I’m still unable to train well for my very first Marathon in March. The other day I woke up and had this idea of backing out and give my slot to someone who is more deserving and ready to take the challenge of conquering 42.195 kilometers. I can’t even record a good amount of mileage for the past few weeks.I even had this bad habit of eating lately (stress eating?) and Cebu is a perfect city to eat all day! Bad time management? Yes and no. I’ve been trying to squeeze in everything to find time to run. But the stress just would not let me. It kept me weak. Hopefully I can get over this.
I also had a bout of anxiety attack last Sunday morning just before lunchtime. I was just inside my dormitory when all of a sudden I felt alone and missing my friends back in Manila. Yes, the Running Enthusiast can win an acting award in a dramatic role. ! After the short episode of loneliness, I went out for lunch in a carinderia.
While at the carinderia, I was able to catch a Sunday variety show on TV. I suddenly felt like I’m missing so much on not having TV inside my room. That could have somehow kept me company while I’m alone and I could have bought myself a mobile phone with built in TV too. I also able to discover that “adobo” here in Cebu means fried and they call our adobo as “tagalog.” Good thing I still remember that from one of the conversations I’ve had with my cousins when they used to share conversations about how things differ when spoken in different dialects.
I’m also thinking about how I can go back to Manila next weekend to become part of a support crew. The round trip plane tickets are kind of expensive this time. I don’t want to spend more than my allotted budget. I need to save my allowance to make it through ‘til I can come back home to Manila. If ever that budget won’t permit, I would like to apologize to the team I’m supposed to help in advance. Budget is a bad enemy.
Am I still struggling to be okay here in Cebu? Or am I just stressed out? I’m looking forward to a spa weekend to help me relax and get back to the groove. I know I’m still the same person but there’s this something inside that makes it wrong. Hopefully the endorphins would overcome these feelings after I attend a running event this Sunday in Cebu called Operation Smile. I need to bounce back from being lost.